ode to richard gaylord

Capital S, Capital L, Capital O, Capital B, Capital B,
SLOBB.
I did not shave this day,
and shall not shave tomorrow,
a slob is one who comes too soon,
and shall not go away.

My first encounter with Dr. Gaylord
was when I was 19 and on stage at dc space
doing my first ever poetry reading.
Dr. Gaylord walked onto the stage
in the middle of my poem, slipped his arm
around my waist, tore my poem from my hands,
replaced it with his poem , then whispered in my ear,
Read this with me now.
Too scared to do otherwise, I followed his instructions,
not knowing I was about to engage
in an erotic dialogue with the old man.
That was the night Jared and I
gave Dr. Gaylord the name, The Horny Skeleton.

I kept my distance from him
like many of the young girls,
but several of my guy friends
told tales of visiting Dr. Gaylord’s apartment
and the many interesting things one could see there ..
such as the display on his coffee table of every issue
ever published of the magazine, “Anal Intruder”
spread out neatly in chronological order..
A most excellent publication . . .

Dr. Gaylord liked to get up on stage,
uninvited and lead us kids in a hippy chant
or his own rendition of Jimmy Crack Corn and I don’t care
or perhaps if we were really lucky,
he would do our all time favorite…
I Don’t Know and I Don’t Care.

I don’t know and I don’t care…
I don’t know and I don’t care...
I don’t know and I don’t care…
Show me an orifice, baby.